What if Neo had taken both pills
%
Anything is possible, but not everything will happen.
%
I like cats. They taste like rabbit.
%
No brain, no headache.
%
"While you're waiting, read the free novel we sent you.  It's a Spanish story about a guy named `Manual'" - Dilbert
%
In /dev/null, no one can here you stream.
%
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat drinking beer all day.
%
Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but light him on
fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
%
Corn circles [...] are a hoax.  The aliens who made them told me so.
%
"I love the way Microsoft follows standards.
In much the same manner that fish follow migrating caribou."
-- Paul Tomblin, ASR
%
The nice thing about standards is that there are so many to choose from.
%
*Real* Programmers use
$ cat > a.out

No ! **Real** Programmers use
$ zcat > a.out
'cause you can type faster that way.
%
Idleness, indifference & irresponsibility are healthy responses to absurd work.
 -- Frederick Herzberg
%
Men are born ignorant, not stupid; they are made stupid by education.
%
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity
%
"The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the
intelligent are full of doubt." -- Bertrand Russell
%
Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
-- Mark Twain
%
What is wanted is not the will to believe, but the wish to find out, which is the exact opposite.
-- Bertrand Russell
%
Doubt is not an agreeable condition, but certainty is an absurd one.
-- Voltaire
%
Never ascribe to malice that which can adequately be explained by stupidity.
%
Microsoft corollary to Hanlon's razor:
Never attribute to stupidity what can be adequately explained by malice.
%
Never ascribe to incompetence that which can be explained by budget cutting.
%
Never attribute to malloc that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
(From the .sig of Joerg Pommnitz joerg@raleigh.ibm.com)
%
Unix/Linux variant of the ILOVEYOU bug:
"If you're running a variant of Unix or Linux, please forward this message to everyone you know and delete a bunch of your files at random"
-- from the linux-list
%
Linux: Where Don't We Want To Go Today?
(Submitted by Pancrazio De Mauro, paraphrasing some well-known sales talk.)
%
Linux: Where Do You Want To Go Today?
%
One OS to rule them all,
One OS to find them.
One OS to call them all,
And in salvation bind them.
In the bright land of Linux,
Where the hackers play.
(J. Scott Thayer, with apologies to J.R.R.T.)
%
This is Linux Land-
In silent nights you can hear the windows machines rebooting.
%
Don't meddle in the affairs of sysadmins,
for they are subtle and quick to anger.
%
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
(Tillmann Steinbrecher's Sig)
%
Recession is high: fairies are granting only 2.5 wishes.
%
Very Funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes !!!
	Captain James T. Kirk, Starship Enterprise.
%
Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid. I Have root Access.
	from Erik Trimble <trims@media.mit.edu>
%
Just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean they aren't out to get me!
%
Even a paranoid can have enemies.
	Henry Kissinger
%
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean everyone doesn't hate you!
%
Karaoke is Japanese for Tone Deaf
%
Kiss me twice. I'm schizophrenic.
%
Be kind: Schizophrenics are people two!
%
Kilroy occupied these coordinates.
%
<legal>
Opinions hereabove are my own and not those of my organization
</legal>
%
Disclaimer:
These statements are only an expression of my personal opinion and are not legal advice.
%
"First thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers."

--Shakespeare, King Henry VI, Act IV, scene ii
%
Life is short - so eat dessert first!
%
Life is a game. Money is how we keep score.
%
Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
%
Fun Facts :
The chances of you dying on the way to get your lottery tickets is greater than your chances of winning
%
Microwave Hint#3: Make a hole in the turtle's shell first
%
Murphy is out there, waiting...
%
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
%
Entropy isn't what is used to be.
%
Simple minds, simple pleasures.
%
Stupidity should be painful.
%
I'm scared of the person that took the time to put that together, though...
"Beware by whom you are called sane." --Walter Anderson
%
He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. -- Albert Einstein
%
Linux isn't at war. War involves large numbers of people making losing decisions that harm each other in a vain attempt to lose last.
Linux is about winning.
	-- Alan Cox on linux-kernel
%
War is not about who is right, but who is left
%
Freedom is slavery.
Ignorance is strength.
War is peace.
	-- George Orwell
%
Ignorance is bliss
%
"Extension of knowledge is the root of all virtue." -- Confucius
%
Intellectual property has been driving the species for some five millions years. In the past 100 or so years, it's increasingly been saddled with the chore of lining the pockets of middlemen and parasites who, sans this lining, would lack sufficient intellect to open a can of beer.
	- Tom Matrullo
%
Their revenue stream is based on a heroine addiction of selling ever more software.
	Bob Young
%
The superior man understands what is right; the inferior man understands
what will sell. --  Confucius
%
The value of a man should be seen in what he gives and not in what he is
able to receive. Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to
become a man of value.
	Albert Einstein
%
What one man can invent another can discover -- Sherlock Holmes in "The Adventure of the Dancing Men" by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
%
I have a license to kill -9
%
An innovation a day keeps the monopolist away
	-- Alan Cox
%
«We are the penguins who say 'NIH'!»
%
The degree of technical confidence is inversely proportional to the
level of management.
%
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.
- Nietzsche
%
There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics
	Mark Twain
%
A lie can travel around the world while the truth is still putting on its shoes
	Mark Twain
%
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot
%
We have more to fear from the bungling of the incompetent than from the
machinations of the wicked.
%
Those who cannot remember the past are condemned to repeat it
	- George Santayana
%
bureaucracy, n:
	A method for transforming energy into solid waste.
%
I'm not a hacker! I'm a security researcher.
%
How to shoot yourself in the foot with Java:

You find that Microsoft and Sun have released imcompatible class
libraries both implementing Gun objects. You then find that although
there are plenty of feet objects implemented in the past in many other
languages, you cannot get access to one. But seeing as Java is so cool,
you dont care and go around shooting anything else you can find.
	(written by Mark Hammond)
%
[finest@newyork.ny.us]$ ping osama.taliban.af
ping osama.taliban.af (68.69.65.68) from 20.1.9.11 : 56 bytes of data.
85.83.77.67: Time to live exceeded
%
rm -rf /bin/laden
%
You have a girlfriend? What's her last name? .gif or .jpg?
%
The world would be a better place if Larry Wall had been born in
Iceland, or any other country where the native language actually
has syntax.
	-- Peter da Silva
%
#define QUESTION ((2b) || !(2b)) - Shakespeare
%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
	Arthur C. Clarke
%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
%
Any sufficiently unpopular but cohesive argument is indistinguishable from trolling.
%
Any sufficiently bad software update is indistinguishable from a cyberattack…
	Leigh Honeywell (after the "2024 CrowdStrike incident")
%
0x29A....The Hexadecimal of the Beast
%
-0.8090169944 : Sin of the beast
%
vi vi vi : the Editor of the beast
%
Every rule has an exception. Especially this one.
%
Lend a man a PC and he'll surf for a day. Give a man a PC and you're his
tech support forever.
%
Your complaint will be ignored in the order in which it was received.
%
Lisp Users: Due to the holiday, there will be no garbage collection on Monday.
%
"My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those
who work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the
first group; there was less competition there."
	- Indira Gandhi
%
- Do you know the four basic nutrition groups?
- Errr... Hamburger, soda, French fries and dessert?
%
Linux, because up-time matters
%
gawk; talk; date; wine; grep; touch; unzip; touch; gasp; finger; gasp; mount;
fsck; more; yes; gasp; umount; make clean; make mrproper; sleep
%
"Never try and teach a pig to sing, you waste your time and annoy the pig"
	- Mark Twain
%
'I see no problems between us that could not be solved by your departure.'
	- Mark Twain
%
Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the earth all one's lifetime.
	- Mark Twain
%
"One disturbing trend is an inverse relationship between wealth (social
success) and number of children. Successful families having 1.2 children
(below the replacement level; their genes are effectively selected
against). Poverty-level families having 3.6 children (geneticaly
successful). We are effectively selecting against being successful."
-Alsee (from the web)
%
"Scientists in the 19th century postulated that in time, the world would
be taken over by morons. My belief is that this actually happened, but we
are now too stupid to realise."
-Kirruth (from the web)
%
Television, the drug of a nation
Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation
%
There are only two industries that call their customers 'users':
illegal drugs and software.
	Edward Tufte
%
echo '[q]sa[ln0=aln256%Pln256/snlbx]sb3135071790101768542287578439snlbxq'|dc
%
1f u c4n r34d th1s u r34lly n33d t0 g37 l41d
%
The only thing between me and greatness is me
	Woody Allen
%
Information wants to be free.
Rent wants to be paid.
%
Minds, like parachutes, function best when open
%
Once I wanted to make ROT13 stronger, so I decided to encrypt the
message twice, but I discovered that 2ROT13 was actually less safe
than ROT13. I finally used 3ROT13 and even 5ROT13 for the most
sensitive data, however I'm not sure how much more secure is 5ROT13
than 3ROT13, but what the hell, the overhead is not very high.
	-- Shiny Metal S., Slashdot, 26/03/2002
%
Science is like sex: sometimes something useful comes out, but that is
not the reason we are doing it.
	-- Richard Feynman
%
Big Data is like Teenage Sex: everyone talks about it, nobody really knows how to do it, everyone thinks everyone else is doing it, so everyone claims they are doing it...
	-- Dan Ariely
%
The total amount of intelligence on earth is constant.
Human population is growing...
%
Communications without intelligence is noise
Intelligence without communications is irrelevant
	-- Gen Alfred. M. Gray, USMC
%
Why is it that all of the instruments seeking intelligent life in the
universe are pointed away from Earth?
%
Dyslexics have more fnu.
%
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
%
XML is like violence, if it doesn't solve the problem, just use more.
%
They who would give up essential Liberty, to obtain a little temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety.
	- Benjamin Franklin
%
The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. 'Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?' he asked.
'Begin at the beginning,' the King said gravely, 'and go on till you come to the end: then stop.'
	-- Lewis Carrol, Alice in Wonderland
%
error compiling committee.c: too many arguments to function
%
I route
therefore you are
	-- system network engineer
%
system architects: the most dangerous enemy of a better solution is an existing
codebase that is just good enough.
%
If copyright infringement is theft, photographing someone is kidnapping?
	-- doctorow
%
Copyright is for loosers©™
	- Banksy
%
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
	- Steve Wright
%
I haven't lost my mind...
  ...it's backed up on a tape somewhere.
%
"A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
	- Robert Heinlein
%
 Finagle's fourth Law:
	Once a job is fouled up, anything done to improve it only
	makes it worse.
%
Reasonable people adapt themselves to the world.  Unreasonable people
attempt to adapt the world to themselves.  All progress, therefore,
depends on unreasonable people.
	George Bernard Shaw
%
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
%
I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.
  - Abraham Maslow
%
Negative people need drama like oxygen...stay positive, it will take their breath away.
	Tony A. Gaskins, Jr.
%
If you're going through hell, keep going.
	Winston Churchill
%
  Dear Life,
When I said "can my day get any worse", it was a rhetorical question,
not a challenge.
%
Me: I'm finally happy.
Life: Lol, wait a sec.
%
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyways.
%
“When you call yourself an Indian or a Muslim or a Christian or a European, or anything else, you are being violent. Do you see why it is violent? Because you are separating yourself from the rest of mankind. When you separate yourself by belief, by nationality, by tradition, it breeds violence. So a man who is seeking to understand violence does not belong to any country, to any religion, to any political party or partial system; he is concerned with the total understanding of mankind.”

― Jiddu Krishnamurti 
%
Politics; n. : A religion whereby man is god.
%
Lawyer: The larval form of a politician.
%
All words ending in -ism are bullshitism
Glazglob - http://www.glazman.org/weblog/dotclear/index.php?post/2014/11/19/All-words-ending-in-ism-are-bullshitism
%
“The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it.”
	Albert Einstein.
%
"Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member".
The Groucho Letters (1967)
%
the first rule of tautology club is the first rule of tautology club
%
The Tautology Club meets on the date of the Tautology Club meeting.
	http://xkcd.com/1602/
%
Arguing that you don't care about privacy because you have nothing to
hide, is no different than saying you don't care about free speech
because you have nothing to say.
    Edward Snowden
%
Abandoning open society for fear of terrorism is the only way to be defeated by it.
    Edward Snowden
%
Quite an experience to live in fear, isn't it?
That's what it is be a slave.
	- Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) in Blade Runner (1982)
%
Tell me a fact, and I’ll learn. Tell me the truth, and I’ll believe. Tell me a story, and I will carry it in my heart forever. 
 — Indian proverb often cited by Rep. Jim Cooper
%
I never loose. I either win or learn.
 - Nelson Mandela
%
The secret to living well and longer is: to eat half, walk double, laugh triple and love without measure
    Tibetan proverb
%
“Quotation is a serviceable substitute for wit.”

― Oscar Wilde
%
If you want total security, go to print. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking... is freedom.

- Dwight D. Eisenhower
%
I also don’t trust Caribou anymore. They’re out there, on the tundra, waiting… Something’s going down. I’m right about this.
 - Joss Whedon
%
there's something patronizing about having to prove you're not a robot... to a computer
%
Schrodinger's Backup : "The condition of any backup is unknown until a restore is attempted."
%
 “When the Master governs, the people
are hardly aware that he exists.
Next best is a leader who is loved.
Next, one who is feared.
The worst is one who is despised.

If you don't trust people,
you make them untrustworthy.

The Master doesn't talk, he acts.
When his work is done,
the people say, "Amazing:
we did it, all by ourselves!”

― Lao-Tzu, Tao Te Ching
%
Leaders who don't listen will eventually be surrounded by people who have nothing to say.
 - Andy Stanley
%
There is no cloud: it's just someone else's computer.
%
RTFM is rude. Please use "Go FAQ yourself" instead.
%
The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not “Eureka” but “That's funny...”
—Isaac Asimov
%
“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”
	Josh Billings
%